Saturday, May 16, 2009
There is a mutiny afoot!
I don't know how I've been so blind up until now, but suddenly I can see clearly that dear hubby is about to blow a gasket. I got so caught up in what I think is right and good and responsible that I've been missing the super clear signs that hubby ain't happy.
Consider the evidence:
* Hubby went to Joes store, which is going out of business, and called to say that he was going to pick up a pair of snowshoes for me since they were on clearance. "Okay, make them my Mother's Day present. There is some money available in that category" say I. Silence is on the other end of the phone.
* Hubby has been talking about purchasing an awning for his construction business so he can create a workspace in people's driveways. He buys one and I make a comment about how it would be nice to have something similar on my desk to partially block the sun in the summer. Later, we are at the store and he puts one into my cart. "What's that for?" ask I. "For the deck" he replies, "you said you wanted one." "I thought I could just borrow yours" say I. "No, I don't want to have to take it down whenever I want to use it" says he. "But we don't have money in the budget" say I. Frosty glare. Tense moment...broken only by the sounds of Spunky Girl knocking over a display of skis and the Big Guy tripping on his own two feet.
* Hubby says we are years past the point where we should have had our septic tank pumped. "we've got to get that done" says he. "How do you recommend I pay for it?" says I. Husband becomes grumpy and just growls that we need to find a way.
* My parents offered to watch the kids for us for 2 nights while we sneak away for our anniversary. I was super excited about this so I figured out what weekend would work for everyone and then I called hubby's parents to see if we could borrow their mountain condo for the weekend. Apparently hubby doesn't want to stay at the free condo, he'd rather pay to stay somewhere nice...like the Edgewater.
Apparently hubby is tired of hearing about all my financially fiscal ways. He doesn't particularly care about finding a spot in the budget for whatever he'd like to purchase. He just wants to buy what he thinks we need (or what he wants) without thinking too much about it. He doesn't like it when I refuse to get a haircut because "I don't have money in the budget for it till next month". I think it must make him feel like he doesn't provide well enough, that he doesn't bring in enough money for our family. I feel just the opposite. I think he makes plenty of money and it is my job to use that money responsibility and respect his income by spending it carefully.
I think I've made budgetting such a topic in our household that he is sick, sick, sick of it. He is swinging the pendulum to the other side in reaction. It is enjoyable to him to enjoy the fruits of his labor without thinking about it too much. This is difficult for me. I work really hard to keep our household from overspending our income. He wants me to just buy stuff because I like it and would put it to good use. He isn't particularly worried that we'll fall into debt, although not paying off the credit card in full every month would fine with him.
I need to shut my mouth about the things that he wants to buy that are outside the budgetted amounts. The question of "how shall I pay for that" should only come up if I truly don't know what would be the best way to pay a bill...not just because it wasn't previously budgetted into a category. I'm tempted to say that if he doesn't want to live within the budget than I won't either, but that won't work for several reasons. First, I can't enjoy spending money if I think it is going to put us into debt. It sounds good to throw caution to the wind, but I know that in the long term I would regret any such decisions. Second, just because he needs a little emotional wiggle room when it comes to budgetting, I can still serve my family best by being conservative and organized with our purchases. I don't really need the emotional wiggle room. I can be the most respectful and appreciative of how hard he works by not wasting money.
Of course, desiring to keep my mouth shut when we overspend in a category and ACTUALLY keeping my mouth shut are two different things. Oh, and I should probably work on curtailing any negative body language about it while I'm at it. It won't do me any good to keep my mouth shut if I have to physically slap my hand over my mouth to do it. If I can be successful at this, I have all faith that my hubby with quickly return to valuing the budget as much as I do. Hey, a girl can dream....