This blog post will likely be hard to write. Who knows if it will ever see the light of day (light of the internet?). I have a feeling I want to explain, but I'm not sure I fully understand it.
I feel like an adult.
I sit here waiting for my MLS number to arrive from my agent (hurry, hurry, hurry). We are putting our house on the market. If we can get a good price for it, we plan to sell our home and buy land in the nearby area to build a new home.
It is a choice. My husband and I look across the table at each other (or across the bath tub) and discuss our choices. Do we want to sell? Do we want to rent a house or an apartment while we look for the next piece of land? Do we want to take our family in this direction or that one? I think those discussions are responsible for my new-found awareness of my adulthood. The choice to move my family to a new locale, a new environment.
Sure, we had choices before now. We selected jobs. We selected our first condo, then moved to our current house. But all those choices seemed more scripted, like stairs up to our current place in life. This choice feels more like stepping off the path that goes straight ahead and choosing a path that still goes forward, but in an optional direction.
In the past, most of those choices we made were just hubby and I deciding what we wanted to do for the two of us...Did we want kids? Did we want to live in town or more rural? Now we are weighing the pros and cons of each place (including the one we still have) for our kids too. Where will they ride their bikes? What environment are we placing them into? Does it measure up to living next door to their grandparents (could anything?)?
And what a blessing, really, to have choice? To live in a place and time where we aren't just struggling to survive, but can consider what we want for our family. And we know that however it turns out, whether we sell or stay where we are, that our family's direction is still set.
James 4:14&15 "you don't even know what tomorrow will bring -- what your life with be! For you are like smoke that appears for a while and then vanishes. Instead, you should say, If the Lord wills..."
So, whatever the Lord wills...