The Sweet Spot

My sister asked me today if I've given up blogging. I really haven't, but you sure wouldn't be able to tell that by looking at my recent blog activity. Hubby is watching the SeaChickens play, so I guess tonight is the night for my first blog post of 2011.

I found myself wondering the other day if I've hit a parenting sweet spot. I've always known that I'm not a "baby stage" parent. I just don't love the baby stage. I love the child, of course, and I love the new baby smell, but I don't love the spit up, I don't love the diapers, I don't love the back ache from carrying the kid in a car seat, I don't love the middle of the night crying, I don't love the nursing, I don't love giving them baths, I don't love being trapped by a sleeping child's schedule...and I could go on and on. It is amazing I had 3 lovely children given how much I don't love the baby stage.

I don't think the toddler stage is really my stage either. I don't really care for tantrums at the library, or the constant buckling and unbucking of car seats. It is cute when they learn to talk, but then go through that talking all the time phase where you constantly have to go "uhuh, yep, sure, uhuh, really?" I've been known to say "mommy seriously needs a break from all the talking".

So, when the kids got out of school for winter Holidays, I wasn't sure that 2 weeks of all the kids at home together was going to be tons of fun. But it was; it was tons of fun. We really had a good time. We went to the movies a couple of times (yea for $5 movies at Factoria), we went to Barnes and Noble a time or two, we went to the park to go scootering, we hung out together. I don't think I had noticed that the Big Guy was turning into a kid that could hang out, but it was sure noticeable that it was finally happening. No more "mom will stay behind with the Big Guy while Dad goes out to have fun with the older girls".

I remember my pediatrician warning me that the terrible twos for little boys runs about 1.5 years. Here we are...the Big Guy is 4 years old in 3 months...and we've gotten past it. I know everyone's experience is different. Some little boys don't have the tantrum-filled 2/3 year old behavior. But my little boy did and I was unprepared (although warned) for how much patience I would need. But now...SWEET SPOT!!!

Hopefully there is such a thing as a sweet spot and it isn't just a fairytale land in my head. Or, maybe even better would be that the Sweet Spot lasts for the rest of our lives. That's not too much to hope for right? Who doesn't love the constant drama of the teenage years?

Let's just capture this "sweet spot" in time with some pics:
Sweetness -- the leader of the pack

Spunky Girl -- the life of the party

The Big Guy -- the newcomer to the hang-out crew

A Child's Psyche

This morning, as I walked my girls down to the bus stop, my Spunky Girl said "I lie to myself".

"What do you mean?" said I
"sometimes I lie to myself so I don't get so hyper" replied she
"hyper about what?" further inquired I
"like going to the cabin" said she
"like what kind of a lie" said I, still a bit confused
"like there will be no snow at the cabin" said she
"Of course there is snow at the cabin" broke in her older sister (who thinks life is a big candy shop)
"Yep, there is snow there honey" said I
"I know" she said "but I tell myself there isn't any snow so I won't get too excited"

The whole conversation made me realize how much nature plays a strong part in who we are and less of that nurture stuff.
Spunky Girl doesn't have life experiences that teach her not to trust that good things are coming, and yet she still keeps herself in check from getting too excited about them.


Sweetness, her older sister who thinks that life is all candy candy candy, can't imagine a world where anything bad happens. "Of course life is going to be awesome" she thinks.


I think perhaps it is too early to tell how the Big Guy, who I think I might start calling Cave-man, will react to life. I think he expects life to lay itself at his feet "right now"! Anything else will just be unacceptable.

Maybe someday, a high priced therapist will conclude that Spunky Girl puts up walls around herself to protect herself because of some trauma she experienced in her young life...but I will know better. And come on, doesn't mom always know better?

The problem with being noise sensitive

I'm noise sensitive. Little noises irritate the heck out of me. I can hear people chewing from rooms away. Gum snapping? You gotta be kidding me. Clipping your nails? Sends me to the moon. Random tapping? Uh...NO.

So, where's the problem, right? I'm the mom. Maybe I've got to put up with some of hubby's noises, but I sure don't have to listen to kid noises. I just ask them to stop whatever noise is irritating me. But the problem is that I model the behavior that my kids adopt. I teach them, by my behavior, that they don't have to accept somebody making noises that irritate them. I teach them to say "Shhh...that's irritating me" everytime I say "Shhh...that's irritating me". And when you've got 4 people saying "Shhh...please stop making that noise", it turns out that EVERY noise is irritating to someone. Do we really have to live in silence? Is it not okay for a person to hum a little ditty if they feel like it? How do I tell the kids that they can't keep asking everyone to be quiet when I get to tell people to be quiet whenever I feel like it?

It's not that I believe that children should have all the rights that parents have, 'cause I don't. There are definitely times when I think a parent gets to tell a child to be quiet because they are being irritating. But I also don't think I want to be the kind of parent that says "do what I say, but don't think it is a nice way to behave to others".

But...I don't my kids going over to someone else's house and making annoying noises either. Somehow I have to find a way to differentiate legitimately annoying noises (that must be stopped at all cost) and normal annoying kids behavior (which I need to learn to live with) so my kids can actually have a life without being told to constantly "be quiet" by their siblings.

I need to say that to myself again. I need to learn to live with annoying kid noises without telling them to be quiet. No more falling to the floor with my hands over my ears because my kids are humming the theme song to iCarly.

Sigh.

This may be a work in progress.

Refusing to get derailed

4 weeks ago I started my 12 week fitness and weight loss plan. Then life happened. Life in the form of wisdom teeth removal (not fun, but not such a big setback), bone graft (super lame...took weeks to recover from), mole removal (scary, but trivial), plantar fasciitis (stupid, stupid, stupid...and just won't go away), and throwing my back out (again). So here we are 4 weeks later and I've neither become an athlete nor lost any weight. Sigh.

But I've got 8 weeks left in my original plan and I'm not ready to throw in the towel yet. I've got too many cute pairs of jeans in one size smaller to get derailed so easily.

I'm waffling on whether I want to run the fun run that I was planning on in October. I really like the idea of being a runner. It fits into my frugalista game plan. Running is a heck-of-a-lot cheaper than working out in a gym. There is also something REALLY appealing about lacing up a pair of running shoes and being unavailable for conversation for about an hour. Imagine...nothing but the birds chirping for an entire 60 minutes. But, that plantar fasciitis thing (which is like a swollen muscle beneath my right foot...I think) gets worse when I jog or walk a long way.


So...if I run I risk making the pain worse, but if I don't run it feels like I'm giving up.

Regardless of whether I can make the running-thing work out, I am definitely restarting my calorie-counting. Tomorrow. I mean it. Tomorrow. Dear friend Donita has a bodybugg to lend me (Yeah!) so I'll go pick up that this week and start tracking on the bodybugg website. Until then, it will be calorie counting on livestrong.com.

That's the plan. I hope that 4 weeks from now I'm not listing all the things that derailed me for the last month, but even if that happens...I can always start again. Right? Right!

A letter to my girls

Dear girls --
You've finally pushed me over the edge. You know how your dad has been saying that he is going to confiscate the clothes you leave out? And I haven't really been backing him up, preferring to lecture you a little bit and then help you put your clothes away? Well no more.

Today, little Miss Sydney, I found the shirt that I told you to change before school in my dirty laundry basket. It was there because you were too lazy to put it away, even after I was nice and went and got you a different shirt to wear to school. You didn't seem to care that I would have to sort it, wash it, dry it, fold it, and hound you to put it away because you put it in there...when you would have only had to put it away. Way more work for me, but essentially the same amount of work for you. Not cool.

So now we have this fun new system! If you leave clothes on the floor and I find them when I come in your room at bedtime, they are confiscated. If you leave clothes on the floor in the bathroom or living room or back deck (whichever weird place you've decided to change), they are confiscated. I keep them for a month, at which point you have to put them away anyway.

And little Miss Cheyenne...I heard you talking about stealing the clothes back out of the box. That would not be smart girl. You do not want to see the amount of chores you will have to do to buy those clothes back that you stole from me. You might as well choose to be a prisoner on the chain gang for Halloween, because that is what it would be like.

I'm glad we had this little talk.
Love, Mom

Consequated

School starts tomorrow, so today I made one last trip down to Grandma's house while I still had time for the 2.5 hour drive. We sat down to watch Dr. Phil together in the afternoon. I choked a little bit when Dr. Phil used the word (?) "consequated". As in "the girl needs to be consequated for her actions."

What bothers me, I think, is not that he's making up words. It is that he is making up words so he won't have to use other, perfectly good words. Words like "punished" or "disciplined". Really, are those such ugly words? Crime and punishment is a fact in adult life. Why are we so scared to use those with regard to children? If we don't teach them crime and punishment as children, they'll have a rude awakening when they become adults. That's my soapbox for today. Thank you.

Summer's over...time to start watching things

Well, summer is over folks. That's it. That's all you get. It has been an AWESOME summer. My friend Estelle says I overuse that word, but I don't care. It was AWESOME. Of course, I'll be paying for the awesomeness for some time to come.

This summer I've been bundling up large amounts of cash, say $200 a week, and lighting it on fire. Yes, folks, I'm talking about my grocery bill. I don't know exactly why I can't seem to get the grocery bill under control this summer, but steak and fresh fruit with Cool-Whip dip apparently adds up.

Another thing that adds up, apparently, is my weight. Don't try to tell me that there is a connection between the grocery bill and the amount of weight I've gained. That's just silly. Those two are entirely unrelated.

Seriously...I've packed it on this summer. It has been 6 months since my last weight managment effort and I've put on 10 lbs since then. That isn't maintenance mode. That is....I don't know...that is just...BAD. Especially when you consider that my last weight managment effort, during January & February of 2010, resulted in about 5 lbs lost.

So now I want to take off 10 lbs in the next three months. September 1st through November 24th...that's 12 weeks...and I get to end my diet the day before Thanksgiving. I usually just do some calorie counting, but this time I gotta step it up a little. I think my exercise effort is going to have to extend beyong my Wii. Running? maybe.

I think the BodyBugg is going to be my new diet "thing". I already calorie count like a champ, so adding the tracking of energy expended seems like a natural extension. Of course, I'm far too cheap to actually buy a new BodyBugg. They are $300, including 6 months of the website subscription. I've seen them on ebay and Craigslist for $75, but that is with no website subscription. I don't need a 6 month subscription though, three months should be plenty.

So, how 'bout you? Anyone else going to join me for some September 1st diet modification?

P.S. My husband is crunching tortilla chips in my ear. Several warning glances have gone unheeded. Someone may want to check to see if he is still living in a few minutes.