The Sweet Spot

My sister asked me today if I've given up blogging. I really haven't, but you sure wouldn't be able to tell that by looking at my recent blog activity. Hubby is watching the SeaChickens play, so I guess tonight is the night for my first blog post of 2011.

I found myself wondering the other day if I've hit a parenting sweet spot. I've always known that I'm not a "baby stage" parent. I just don't love the baby stage. I love the child, of course, and I love the new baby smell, but I don't love the spit up, I don't love the diapers, I don't love the back ache from carrying the kid in a car seat, I don't love the middle of the night crying, I don't love the nursing, I don't love giving them baths, I don't love being trapped by a sleeping child's schedule...and I could go on and on. It is amazing I had 3 lovely children given how much I don't love the baby stage.

I don't think the toddler stage is really my stage either. I don't really care for tantrums at the library, or the constant buckling and unbucking of car seats. It is cute when they learn to talk, but then go through that talking all the time phase where you constantly have to go "uhuh, yep, sure, uhuh, really?" I've been known to say "mommy seriously needs a break from all the talking".

So, when the kids got out of school for winter Holidays, I wasn't sure that 2 weeks of all the kids at home together was going to be tons of fun. But it was; it was tons of fun. We really had a good time. We went to the movies a couple of times (yea for $5 movies at Factoria), we went to Barnes and Noble a time or two, we went to the park to go scootering, we hung out together. I don't think I had noticed that the Big Guy was turning into a kid that could hang out, but it was sure noticeable that it was finally happening. No more "mom will stay behind with the Big Guy while Dad goes out to have fun with the older girls".

I remember my pediatrician warning me that the terrible twos for little boys runs about 1.5 years. Here we are...the Big Guy is 4 years old in 3 months...and we've gotten past it. I know everyone's experience is different. Some little boys don't have the tantrum-filled 2/3 year old behavior. But my little boy did and I was unprepared (although warned) for how much patience I would need. But now...SWEET SPOT!!!

Hopefully there is such a thing as a sweet spot and it isn't just a fairytale land in my head. Or, maybe even better would be that the Sweet Spot lasts for the rest of our lives. That's not too much to hope for right? Who doesn't love the constant drama of the teenage years?

Let's just capture this "sweet spot" in time with some pics:
Sweetness -- the leader of the pack

Spunky Girl -- the life of the party

The Big Guy -- the newcomer to the hang-out crew

A Child's Psyche

This morning, as I walked my girls down to the bus stop, my Spunky Girl said "I lie to myself".

"What do you mean?" said I
"sometimes I lie to myself so I don't get so hyper" replied she
"hyper about what?" further inquired I
"like going to the cabin" said she
"like what kind of a lie" said I, still a bit confused
"like there will be no snow at the cabin" said she
"Of course there is snow at the cabin" broke in her older sister (who thinks life is a big candy shop)
"Yep, there is snow there honey" said I
"I know" she said "but I tell myself there isn't any snow so I won't get too excited"

The whole conversation made me realize how much nature plays a strong part in who we are and less of that nurture stuff.
Spunky Girl doesn't have life experiences that teach her not to trust that good things are coming, and yet she still keeps herself in check from getting too excited about them.


Sweetness, her older sister who thinks that life is all candy candy candy, can't imagine a world where anything bad happens. "Of course life is going to be awesome" she thinks.


I think perhaps it is too early to tell how the Big Guy, who I think I might start calling Cave-man, will react to life. I think he expects life to lay itself at his feet "right now"! Anything else will just be unacceptable.

Maybe someday, a high priced therapist will conclude that Spunky Girl puts up walls around herself to protect herself because of some trauma she experienced in her young life...but I will know better. And come on, doesn't mom always know better?

I'm just not 100% sure

Tonight I asked Sweetness to help me with putting dinner on the table. I didn't give her an actual task to do, and apparently that gave her the wise idea to disappear before the actual chore-dispensing occurred. This ploy might have actually worked if she reappeared for dinner. But no. I got dinner on the table and started calling in the kids. The Big Guy sat down. Spunky Girl sat down. No Sweetness. I called outside for her. I called downstairs for her. I yelled up the stairs for her. Then I screamed up the stairs for her, using my hands like a megaphone around my mouth (classy, I know). Still no Sweetness.

So I started dinner without her. 5 minutes later, I'm fuming. I'm certain she heard me and is refusing to come to dinner. I start considering what her consequence will be. Should it be a minute of chores for every minute that she was late to dinner? More than that? 3 minutes for each minute she was late to represent the three of us that ate without her? Should she have to eat every bite of dinner (in our household, that makes the kids cry. I don't know why. I swear I'm not that bad of a cook.) Then I start to worry...what if she's not just too busy ignoring me to come to dinner...what if she's hurt somehow? What if she slipped in the bathroom and hit her head? What if she was actually playing in the backyard and was snatched? So I go looking for her again. I check outside and then I heard it...a little sound like someone is upstairs in my bathroom. I head up there and find my daughter listening to my ipod, watching herself dance and sing in the mirror.

"I'm so sorry" she cries "I didn't hear you call me". Yeah right. You scoot out when you are supposed to be helping put dinner on the table. You ignore my calls to find you. You sneak into my bathroom and turn on my ipod (which you are supposed to ask for first). And I am supposed to believe that it couldn't be your fault because you had a mysterious fit of deafness?

But somehow, I can't seem to punish her. What if she is telling the truth? What if her ear canals suddenly did close up and she didn't hear my screeching for her? I know it wasn't because she had the ipod up too loud because 1) I don't use earbuds, only speakers and 2)she had it quiet enough so I couldn't hear she had it on. So I really know that she could hear me, that she did hear me and just chose to act like she couldn't. And it really isn't the first time that I'm fairly certain that she chose to ignore me and said "but I really couldn't hear you".

And I think her behavior suggests that she heard me. She is acting all upset that I'm mad at her, but she's not acting mad. There is no indignant "you don't believe me" emotion, just a please-i'll-never-do-it-again-please-don't-punish-me kind of guilty response. And yet...I'm not 100% sure.

I'm 90% sure.

maybe 95%.

Shall I do a test? If there was another adult in the house, I'd go upstairs and turn the ipod on and have them yell up the stairs. I'm certain that I'd hear. Of course, sometimes hubby claims that he can't hear me...but I don't believe him either. And so I'm not sure...


but I think it is things like this that make my friends say I'm a parenting weanie.

P.S. I took pictures of all three kids with their fingers in their ears so Sweetness wouldn't figure out that I'm blogging about her. Is it me, or does she look the most like she's enjoying the experience?

Its been ages

It has been ages since I last posted. I think blogging feeds upon itself. The more I blog, the more I can think of things I want to write about. But here I find myself...sitting at my computer...with plenty of time to write...and no inspiration. Clearly I've been gone too long.

So, while I wait for inspiration to strike, I'll update you on my kids.


Sweetness turns 8 tomorrow. She is definitely working on a new phase of life. The "tweens" run from 8 - 12 years of age and I feel an eagerness in her to begin the phase. We allowed her to pierce her ears for her birthday. She assured me last year that EVERY OTHER CHILD IN THE UNIVERSE had their ears pierced. I wonder how many children she's met from distant planets. My guess is not many. I'm sure she would have said something about the encounter. She loves to talk and tell me about the things her friends have said. If I dare suggest that perhaps she shouldn't believe everything she hears at school, she is barely able to cover her obvious impression that her mom is so not "in the know". Despite the new glimpes of attitude, she is still a beautiful child in looks and in heart. She's become empathetic to how I can be pulled in a zillion directions at once and wants to help. If only that willingness to help wasn't followed by a "Mom, how do I...?"

Spunky Girl is 6 now. She has the cutest freckles in the whole wide world and they rest below her stunning hazel eyes. Sometimes I just stare at her in wonder, but usually I'm too busy trying to corral her to just stare. =) She is still the snuggliest thing ever. She loves to come into my bed in the morning and sleep together for the last half hour; she isn't content unless both of my arms are wrapped around her (which of course means that one of my arms is likely losing all blood flow). She is always giggling about something, and usually something inappropriate. It is hard not to encourage her, though, when she's so darn impish. Hubby and I just cross our fingers and hope that she doesn't ascribe whatever objectional things she's saying to us. Then we can pass it off with a "where do kids these days hear this stuff?".

The Big Guy is 3. He's my little man, my cry-baby, my sweet son, and my joy. Three goods to one bad...that's not too horrible, right? We're trying to potty train him right now. It is a big ole pain in the butt. He's stubborn like a mule (whoops, 3 goods to 2 bad) and so it is very hard not to turn potty training into a power struggle. It does melt my heart when he says "just like a big boy, right?". Yeah buddy, just like a big boy. He stopped taking naps about 5 months ago, but I really need a few quiet minutes a day so I still put him down for a half hour. He kicks the wall the entire time, just so I'm clear that he's waiting for me to come get him. I suppose that is smart, though, because I suspect if he was quiet I would be tempted to leave him up there a little longer. There's nothing like one of his hugs and his whisper "I really love you mommy". It definitely makes up for him coloring on my sofa with green marker, or hiding the drinking cups in the toilet, or getting into my lipstick.


I sent my girls off to overnight Girl Scout camp at the end of June. I can get stressed by all the people needing my attention at once, so I was excited for them to have an adventure and for me to have some quiet(er) time with the Big Guy. It turns out I missed them like crazy. It was so quiet in the house that even the Big Guy whispered when he talked to me...and I could hear him just fine. I complain about not having a nanosecond to myself but then it was a huge culture shock to be down to one child. I had to keep myself busy to not think about how uneasy I felt about them being gone. There is an irony there...that I crave alone time and then have to keep busy during my (sorta) alone time till my girls came back. I guess the lesson is just to find the treasured moments in every day.

I'll leave you with one last picture of my kiddos, taken after picking strawberries. Note that, as always, Spunky Girl just has to be a little different and holds her bag of strawberrries on her head.

Like an arrow through my heart

Every week my Sweetness brings home her "traveling journal". It is a second grade class assignment. Every Friday during the school day she will write to me in the journal and then she brings it home. Over the weekend, I write back to her and she can read it during journaling time the next week.

This was her entry from Friday:


For those of you who might not be able to see the picture, it says:
"Dear Mom and Dad, yesterday was (career) project presentations. Alot of parents (were) there but you mommy, you forgot. I got mad but its okay."

I think the grammar is heartbreakingly sad and funny at the same time. "but you mommy, you forgot". Can't you just feel the dramatic pause? The accusatory tone? The finger wagging? Also note how the journal starting out being to "mom and dad", but it is clear that it becomes all about the bad mommy.

I did forget to attend her career presentation. I had it on my calendar and just forgot. I felt horrible. I figured it out by myself later in the day and ran upstairs to Sweetness' room to tell her I was sorry. I said "I'm so sorry I forgot to go to your classroom today" and she said "I know you forgot; that's why I was mad when I got home.". Hmmm....didn't really notice she was mad when she got home. I guess that is strike two on the "in touch with your daughter's world" scoreboard.

She decided that I needed to do a chore, just like I make her do when she forgets something she is supposed to do. I'm not entirely sure that is a precedent I want to start, but I felt pretty guilty so I agreed to it. She wrote "book me a playdate" on our chore whiteboard. I think I got off easy...

The Monkey on my Back

I haven't got enough time. I know it is an excuse, but it feels real. It feels like life moves at the speed of light and the only chance I have of keeping up is by operating on a dead-run, doing everything myself. Asking someone else to help out or do something themselves, regardless of whether that is the kids or hubby, slows down my progress.

This is a problem, though, because I can see that it is unsustainable. Not only is my burnout entirely predictable, but it isn't in anyone's best interest. My kids will not learn to be self-suficient, capeable people by me doing everything for them. They will not learn to use their brains to solve their own issues, they will not learn time management, they will not learn how the world really works. My hubby will not feel like a respected co-parent if I display to him through my actions that I can do everything better and faster than him.

For example, I help Sweetness (my 7 year old) pick out her clothes every morning, monitor her progress as she gets ready for school, and get her lunch and her backpack packed and ready for school. If I try to have her get dressed entirely on her own, without my assistance, she'll come down in something entirely inappropriate for the day (like a dress on gym day) or she'll be up in her room for 20 minutes trying to figure out what to wear and will eventually come down to me saying "I can't find my...". At that point, we're running late and I have to rush through whatever task I'm working on and go up and pick out an outfit anyway (or continue to let her do it herself, but resign myself to driving her to school because she missed the bus). I usually decide that it is just easier to pick out the outfit and have it lying on her bed when she goes up to get dressed. But the result is that I have a 2nd grader who doesn't really know how to quickly get dressed. I'm serious. It took her several MINUTES to inside out a pair of jeans. It was pure torture watching her. And that was just one step of the getting ready process...she still had to find a shirt, socks, etc.

Example #2: Spunky Girl (age 5) wanted breakfast when I was trying to get Sweetness to dress independently, so I asked her to get her own cereal. She was able to get the box down from the pantry, but managed to spill it all over the floor trying to pour the cereal into the bowl. It cost me more time to help her get that fixed than it would have to just pour her cereal myself. But I still have to let her do things herself because otherwise she'll never get any better at it.

Example #3: It is time to potty train the Big Guy...but the thought of adding potty training accidents and battle-of-wills contests into my already stressful days makes me want to crawl into a corner and cry. The thought of no more diaper changes should make that worth it, but to me the thought of adding more work into my exhausting days is worse than the thought of continuing diaper changes. But it is in his best interest to start potty training so I gotta find the personal strength to get started.

So I'm starting to work on this a little bit now with the thought of really ramping it up during the summer. Right now we are starting the conversation about personal responsibilities and I'm mentally preparing myself for things taking longer and requiring more work from me...for a bit. This summer the girls are going to get a crash course in self-sufficiency. They'll be figuring out what responsibilities they need to complete (like getting dressed, personal hygeine, chores) before they can enjoy fun summer time activities. And the Big Guy? Well... one thing at a time.

***I borrowed the non-Lisa photos from fotosearch...all royalty free of course!

This one's for the Girl Scouts...

Today was my first Daisy Girl Scout troop field trip. We had so much fun! We went to the Camp River Ranch, which is in Carnation by the Tolt River. It is a 425 acre property owned by the Girl Scouts. They host activities there (like the "help it grow" activity we joined today), as well as day camps, over-night camps, troop and family camping, hiking, and more. Today the weather was sunny and beautiful...just perfect.

Here we are, just after we arrived at the camp.

The camp staff started out the festivities with some story time. Our girls were great! They all sat quietly and listened. I must figure out the trick the staff used to capture their attention and hold it through 2 stories.

After story time, it was time for our troop to have "tea". Lemonade, cookies, carrots and cucumber and cream cheese sandwiches was hosted by a troop of Junior Girl Scouts. Most of our girls skipped the cucumber sandwiches, but at least they did it politely!

The Junior Girl Scouts then taught our girls a bunch of songs and played games with them.
The girls loved it and joined right in.

Next it was time for our girls to make their concrete stepping stones.
They collected pieces of nature and also used some colored glass to create a design in their pans.

After that, they were allowed to help mix the concrete and spread it into their pans.

It was a little messy, so some handwashing was next on the agenda.


Funny how even handwashing can be fun when you are allowed to do it outside and splash a little...

We had a few moments before our next activity started, so the camp director took the girls on a little hike. The girls loved the freedom to run around a bit and the Tolt River was beautiful!



The girls were given some time to explore the cabins used for overnight camping. A raccoon visited a nearby tree during their exploration, so the girls experienced some animal sightings too (they also saw dear in the meadow).

Now it was time for our gardening adventures. The girls planted cucumbers and beans.
They watered their seeds and also did some weeding in other areas. If the girls go back for any activities in the summer, they will get opportunities to see their stepping stones and eat some of their produce.

The last activity was playing games. The game leader found us a nice spot in the shade and led the girls in a bunch of running-around games. We chaperones were already getting tired, so it was time to tire the girls out!

One final Girl Scout circle with all the girls and it was time to go home!


If anyone has interest in seeing all the pictures, let me know and I'll post them on a share site for all to view.

Car Conversations

We are driving down the road (with elderly guests in the car, of course!) and Sweetness asks "Mom, what does that sign say with the funny purple letters?"

Me: "uh...it says Lovers".

Sweetness: "Oh, what do they have there?"

Me: "I guess some stuff for people in love"

Sweetness: "like what?"

Me: "stuff with lots of hearts on it, I suppose"

Sweetness: "we should go there the next time we need to get a wedding present"

Me: "Well, that's an...idea"

Spunky Girl: "Do they have dummy heads?"

You can always count on Spunky Girl to come up with something completely non-sensical and a little bit asinine to change the direction of a conversation. Sometimes I love her for that.

What I learned from Wii Fit

For all of my adult life, I've been scared of taking an aerobics class. I know that sounds crazy to most people, but it always seemed beyond me. I know normal women can do aerobics, but somehow I knew down deep in my heart that I could neither keep up with the foot steps nor make it till the end of the class without passing out.

Enter the WiiFit. Hubby bought one for the family last week and we've been having a fabulous, family-centered time playing with it. In a quiet, semi-private moment, I decided to try out the aerobics part. It turns out I was right. I absolutely stink at aerobics. It was so bad that hubby stopped by to watch the sideshow. I shooed him right out of the room. I don't think it would enhance his attraction to me to see me unable to follow simple foot steps.

I've gotten a tad better with practice. I'm fine as long as I'm familiar with the foot steps that are coming, but if I try to follow along with some new steps...I end up walking into a wall. I'm a long way from ever being willing to walk into an actual aerobics classroom. The good thing, I think, in all this is that I no longer feel like I have some weird self-esteem issue about aerobics, where I think I'm lousy for no apparent reason. Turns out my view of myself in this area was entirely accurate.

Another thing that I've found enlightening about the WiiFit program is the avatar you create for yourself in the system. I created my avatar to look like I'm a young, hip mom complete with pigtails. My oldest daughter, whom I affectionately call "Sweetness" but may have to change that as she starts rolling down into the tween years, also created her avatar...but she made herself look older and added a bunch of makeup. The end result? Sweetness looks like a 36 year old mom and I look like her 7 year old daughter. Hmmmmm. I'm sure a psychologist would have something to say about that!

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied. ~Oscar Wilde

What? Embarrass My Kids? Me?

It was inevitable that my thrift-store shopping ways would eventually embarrass my children. I buy most of my kids clothes, probably 85%, from children's consignment stores. I occasionally will buy something new, but only if I haven't been able to find what I'm looking for second hand. My kids do get some new clothes because their grandparents often purchase clothes for their birthdays, Christmas, & sometimes new school shopping.

Luckily Spunky Girl hasn't caught on yet that there might be anything amiss with her wardrobe. I found these adorable white flats for her at Value Village. They were only $2.99 and looked like they had never been worn. She wore them to school on her first day. She and I were in the school office when the principal came by and stopped to compliment her on her super-cute shoes. When the principal asked where she got them, I was happy to reply that I got them at Value Village. Spunky Girl didn't care at all where I got them, she was just glad to have them.


At age 7, Sweetness is starting to care. I bought her a great pair of black boots. They were in awesome, like new condition too. She wore her new boots on her third day of school. When someone complimented her on her boots and asked where I got them, I replied that I got them at the consignment store. It was clear from Sweetness' face that my answer was embarrassing and she added that they were "Nine West" boots. Perhaps the name brand of the boots somehow redeems the second hand nature of the purchase.

I know when we go to the consignment store, Sweetness can certainly find things that she wants me to buy...so I know she doesn't TOTALLY hate the second hand shopping. I guess she just doesn't want me to be so verbal about our family shopping habits. Perhaps I should make it my mission to make Sweetness understand economics so well that she is proud to be frugal...or maybe I should just cut her a break and not blab where I got her stuff.

School Starts Today

The alarm clock rang at seven. It rang like it hasn't rung since early June. Lucky for me, I don't have to hear it. Sweetness has it in her room and she has the responsibility to get up, turn it off, and come wake up momma. It belongs on my "best of" motherhood list.

She jumped out of bed this morning and made her bed without being asked. I love it when they are excited for school. I'd love to post a picture of her dressed in her first-day-of-school clothes, but I forgot to take a picture. I also forgot to take a picture of her getting on the school bus. That probably won't make it into my "best of" motherhood list. I wish I had a picture of her face when the boy she doesn't like sat down next to her. The silent telepathy of "help me mom" works through the bus windows. "Bye honey" I yell "have a great first day" and turn my back on her pleading eyes.

We're back on a schedule. Tuesday schedules will be full:
7 am -- Sweetness up and getting ready for school
7:50 am -- walk sweetness to the bus stop (hope and pray that mom or hubby is around so I don't have to drag the other two kids down the hill with us)
9:20 -- get Spunky Girl and the Big Guy in the car for swim lessons
9:30 -- Spunky Girl's swim lessons
10 am -- the Big Guy's swim lessons
11 am -- early lunch for the 2 little kids
11:55 am -- walk Spunky Girl down to the bus stop
1:30 pm -- put the Big Guy down for a nap (please please please)
3:12 pm -- pick up Spunky Girl and Sweetness from the bus stop
4:20 pm -- get the kids in the car to head back to the pool for Sweetness' swim lessons
5 pm -- start dinner!

Should be a full day. I'm looking forward to it! Happy First Day of School!

Thems fightin' words

On Sunday morning, while chatting before church services, Roger P said to me "that girl of yours is the spitting image of you." The way he laughed and grinned as he said it, I think he was intending to communicate what a cutie she is. But the more I thought about it, the more I thought "really? Isn't she a bit cuter than that?". I don't mean to be self-depreciating for the sake of false humility, but I really don't think I was much of a beauty as a child. I scanned in a few of my school pictures to show you what I mean.
Lisa at six -- 1st grade

Lisa at seven -- 2nd grade

Lisa at eight -- 3rd grade


Note how my hair gets a little worse in each picture? Trust me, that problem continued all through grade school years. I think my bangs get higher and higher, perhaps representing the pain in the butt I was to my mother when she tried to cut my hair. (I'm not saying she whacked my bangs on purpose...but I'm not not saying that either.)

So, while I am secretly thrilled that Sweetness resembles me, I do hope that she is a much cuter version of me. I also hope that I am a better looking at 36 than I was at 6.