A Child's Psyche

This morning, as I walked my girls down to the bus stop, my Spunky Girl said "I lie to myself".

"What do you mean?" said I
"sometimes I lie to myself so I don't get so hyper" replied she
"hyper about what?" further inquired I
"like going to the cabin" said she
"like what kind of a lie" said I, still a bit confused
"like there will be no snow at the cabin" said she
"Of course there is snow at the cabin" broke in her older sister (who thinks life is a big candy shop)
"Yep, there is snow there honey" said I
"I know" she said "but I tell myself there isn't any snow so I won't get too excited"

The whole conversation made me realize how much nature plays a strong part in who we are and less of that nurture stuff.
Spunky Girl doesn't have life experiences that teach her not to trust that good things are coming, and yet she still keeps herself in check from getting too excited about them.


Sweetness, her older sister who thinks that life is all candy candy candy, can't imagine a world where anything bad happens. "Of course life is going to be awesome" she thinks.


I think perhaps it is too early to tell how the Big Guy, who I think I might start calling Cave-man, will react to life. I think he expects life to lay itself at his feet "right now"! Anything else will just be unacceptable.

Maybe someday, a high priced therapist will conclude that Spunky Girl puts up walls around herself to protect herself because of some trauma she experienced in her young life...but I will know better. And come on, doesn't mom always know better?

The problem with being noise sensitive

I'm noise sensitive. Little noises irritate the heck out of me. I can hear people chewing from rooms away. Gum snapping? You gotta be kidding me. Clipping your nails? Sends me to the moon. Random tapping? Uh...NO.

So, where's the problem, right? I'm the mom. Maybe I've got to put up with some of hubby's noises, but I sure don't have to listen to kid noises. I just ask them to stop whatever noise is irritating me. But the problem is that I model the behavior that my kids adopt. I teach them, by my behavior, that they don't have to accept somebody making noises that irritate them. I teach them to say "Shhh...that's irritating me" everytime I say "Shhh...that's irritating me". And when you've got 4 people saying "Shhh...please stop making that noise", it turns out that EVERY noise is irritating to someone. Do we really have to live in silence? Is it not okay for a person to hum a little ditty if they feel like it? How do I tell the kids that they can't keep asking everyone to be quiet when I get to tell people to be quiet whenever I feel like it?

It's not that I believe that children should have all the rights that parents have, 'cause I don't. There are definitely times when I think a parent gets to tell a child to be quiet because they are being irritating. But I also don't think I want to be the kind of parent that says "do what I say, but don't think it is a nice way to behave to others".

But...I don't my kids going over to someone else's house and making annoying noises either. Somehow I have to find a way to differentiate legitimately annoying noises (that must be stopped at all cost) and normal annoying kids behavior (which I need to learn to live with) so my kids can actually have a life without being told to constantly "be quiet" by their siblings.

I need to say that to myself again. I need to learn to live with annoying kid noises without telling them to be quiet. No more falling to the floor with my hands over my ears because my kids are humming the theme song to iCarly.

Sigh.

This may be a work in progress.

Refusing to get derailed

4 weeks ago I started my 12 week fitness and weight loss plan. Then life happened. Life in the form of wisdom teeth removal (not fun, but not such a big setback), bone graft (super lame...took weeks to recover from), mole removal (scary, but trivial), plantar fasciitis (stupid, stupid, stupid...and just won't go away), and throwing my back out (again). So here we are 4 weeks later and I've neither become an athlete nor lost any weight. Sigh.

But I've got 8 weeks left in my original plan and I'm not ready to throw in the towel yet. I've got too many cute pairs of jeans in one size smaller to get derailed so easily.

I'm waffling on whether I want to run the fun run that I was planning on in October. I really like the idea of being a runner. It fits into my frugalista game plan. Running is a heck-of-a-lot cheaper than working out in a gym. There is also something REALLY appealing about lacing up a pair of running shoes and being unavailable for conversation for about an hour. Imagine...nothing but the birds chirping for an entire 60 minutes. But, that plantar fasciitis thing (which is like a swollen muscle beneath my right foot...I think) gets worse when I jog or walk a long way.


So...if I run I risk making the pain worse, but if I don't run it feels like I'm giving up.

Regardless of whether I can make the running-thing work out, I am definitely restarting my calorie-counting. Tomorrow. I mean it. Tomorrow. Dear friend Donita has a bodybugg to lend me (Yeah!) so I'll go pick up that this week and start tracking on the bodybugg website. Until then, it will be calorie counting on livestrong.com.

That's the plan. I hope that 4 weeks from now I'm not listing all the things that derailed me for the last month, but even if that happens...I can always start again. Right? Right!

A letter to my girls

Dear girls --
You've finally pushed me over the edge. You know how your dad has been saying that he is going to confiscate the clothes you leave out? And I haven't really been backing him up, preferring to lecture you a little bit and then help you put your clothes away? Well no more.

Today, little Miss Sydney, I found the shirt that I told you to change before school in my dirty laundry basket. It was there because you were too lazy to put it away, even after I was nice and went and got you a different shirt to wear to school. You didn't seem to care that I would have to sort it, wash it, dry it, fold it, and hound you to put it away because you put it in there...when you would have only had to put it away. Way more work for me, but essentially the same amount of work for you. Not cool.

So now we have this fun new system! If you leave clothes on the floor and I find them when I come in your room at bedtime, they are confiscated. If you leave clothes on the floor in the bathroom or living room or back deck (whichever weird place you've decided to change), they are confiscated. I keep them for a month, at which point you have to put them away anyway.

And little Miss Cheyenne...I heard you talking about stealing the clothes back out of the box. That would not be smart girl. You do not want to see the amount of chores you will have to do to buy those clothes back that you stole from me. You might as well choose to be a prisoner on the chain gang for Halloween, because that is what it would be like.

I'm glad we had this little talk.
Love, Mom

Consequated

School starts tomorrow, so today I made one last trip down to Grandma's house while I still had time for the 2.5 hour drive. We sat down to watch Dr. Phil together in the afternoon. I choked a little bit when Dr. Phil used the word (?) "consequated". As in "the girl needs to be consequated for her actions."

What bothers me, I think, is not that he's making up words. It is that he is making up words so he won't have to use other, perfectly good words. Words like "punished" or "disciplined". Really, are those such ugly words? Crime and punishment is a fact in adult life. Why are we so scared to use those with regard to children? If we don't teach them crime and punishment as children, they'll have a rude awakening when they become adults. That's my soapbox for today. Thank you.

Summer's over...time to start watching things

Well, summer is over folks. That's it. That's all you get. It has been an AWESOME summer. My friend Estelle says I overuse that word, but I don't care. It was AWESOME. Of course, I'll be paying for the awesomeness for some time to come.

This summer I've been bundling up large amounts of cash, say $200 a week, and lighting it on fire. Yes, folks, I'm talking about my grocery bill. I don't know exactly why I can't seem to get the grocery bill under control this summer, but steak and fresh fruit with Cool-Whip dip apparently adds up.

Another thing that adds up, apparently, is my weight. Don't try to tell me that there is a connection between the grocery bill and the amount of weight I've gained. That's just silly. Those two are entirely unrelated.

Seriously...I've packed it on this summer. It has been 6 months since my last weight managment effort and I've put on 10 lbs since then. That isn't maintenance mode. That is....I don't know...that is just...BAD. Especially when you consider that my last weight managment effort, during January & February of 2010, resulted in about 5 lbs lost.

So now I want to take off 10 lbs in the next three months. September 1st through November 24th...that's 12 weeks...and I get to end my diet the day before Thanksgiving. I usually just do some calorie counting, but this time I gotta step it up a little. I think my exercise effort is going to have to extend beyong my Wii. Running? maybe.

I think the BodyBugg is going to be my new diet "thing". I already calorie count like a champ, so adding the tracking of energy expended seems like a natural extension. Of course, I'm far too cheap to actually buy a new BodyBugg. They are $300, including 6 months of the website subscription. I've seen them on ebay and Craigslist for $75, but that is with no website subscription. I don't need a 6 month subscription though, three months should be plenty.

So, how 'bout you? Anyone else going to join me for some September 1st diet modification?

P.S. My husband is crunching tortilla chips in my ear. Several warning glances have gone unheeded. Someone may want to check to see if he is still living in a few minutes.

I'm just not 100% sure

Tonight I asked Sweetness to help me with putting dinner on the table. I didn't give her an actual task to do, and apparently that gave her the wise idea to disappear before the actual chore-dispensing occurred. This ploy might have actually worked if she reappeared for dinner. But no. I got dinner on the table and started calling in the kids. The Big Guy sat down. Spunky Girl sat down. No Sweetness. I called outside for her. I called downstairs for her. I yelled up the stairs for her. Then I screamed up the stairs for her, using my hands like a megaphone around my mouth (classy, I know). Still no Sweetness.

So I started dinner without her. 5 minutes later, I'm fuming. I'm certain she heard me and is refusing to come to dinner. I start considering what her consequence will be. Should it be a minute of chores for every minute that she was late to dinner? More than that? 3 minutes for each minute she was late to represent the three of us that ate without her? Should she have to eat every bite of dinner (in our household, that makes the kids cry. I don't know why. I swear I'm not that bad of a cook.) Then I start to worry...what if she's not just too busy ignoring me to come to dinner...what if she's hurt somehow? What if she slipped in the bathroom and hit her head? What if she was actually playing in the backyard and was snatched? So I go looking for her again. I check outside and then I heard it...a little sound like someone is upstairs in my bathroom. I head up there and find my daughter listening to my ipod, watching herself dance and sing in the mirror.

"I'm so sorry" she cries "I didn't hear you call me". Yeah right. You scoot out when you are supposed to be helping put dinner on the table. You ignore my calls to find you. You sneak into my bathroom and turn on my ipod (which you are supposed to ask for first). And I am supposed to believe that it couldn't be your fault because you had a mysterious fit of deafness?

But somehow, I can't seem to punish her. What if she is telling the truth? What if her ear canals suddenly did close up and she didn't hear my screeching for her? I know it wasn't because she had the ipod up too loud because 1) I don't use earbuds, only speakers and 2)she had it quiet enough so I couldn't hear she had it on. So I really know that she could hear me, that she did hear me and just chose to act like she couldn't. And it really isn't the first time that I'm fairly certain that she chose to ignore me and said "but I really couldn't hear you".

And I think her behavior suggests that she heard me. She is acting all upset that I'm mad at her, but she's not acting mad. There is no indignant "you don't believe me" emotion, just a please-i'll-never-do-it-again-please-don't-punish-me kind of guilty response. And yet...I'm not 100% sure.

I'm 90% sure.

maybe 95%.

Shall I do a test? If there was another adult in the house, I'd go upstairs and turn the ipod on and have them yell up the stairs. I'm certain that I'd hear. Of course, sometimes hubby claims that he can't hear me...but I don't believe him either. And so I'm not sure...


but I think it is things like this that make my friends say I'm a parenting weanie.

P.S. I took pictures of all three kids with their fingers in their ears so Sweetness wouldn't figure out that I'm blogging about her. Is it me, or does she look the most like she's enjoying the experience?